Bad Night at Carbones

Yesterday was a terrible form of communication at Carbones. One of the servers working was kind of new and not very good at her job yet. We got kind of busy because it was Mother's Day and everyone had a fair amount of tables. We all have sections on Sundays and when it gets busy the hosts don't tell you when they seat a new table because you should be aware of it as a server because their will be new people in your section. Kirsten was the new girl and they sat her in her section but she claims she didn't see the table get sat. It ended up that the table actually left because they didn't get a server for so long. This looks very bad on Carbones part and I was embarrassed. There was no communication between the hosts and the server and she couldn't handle the amount of tables she had at that time, and therefore couldn't take care of a new one.

If I ever feel overwhelmed at work, I am always willing to ask for help. This is the only way that you can be sure you are accurately doing your job and that everyone gets taken care of. It doesn't mean that you are a bad server if you ask for help. If anything you are a better one because you are willing to recognize when you can't take anymore and willing to give everyone good service because you know you can't provide it all by yourself.

Communication at Carbones

I work at Carbones in Lakeville and communicating with people is my job. I am always talking to people and communicating with them in order to successfully do my job. I have to take orders and communicate what they want to the kitchen and to the bar in order to get them what they want. Most of the time when I work I don't write any orders down. I usually just memorize whatever they say and a lot of times that is a lot of orders to remember. I usually don't write things down until the party is eight poeple or bigger. If I don't write things down, I have to make sure that I remember all of their toppings and drink orders. If I screw up, then I don't get a good tip and I don't make the money I should. I always repeat the order after the person says it just to make sure I got everything write.

My job at Carbones has definately helped me become a more competent communicator and I love it. When I first started, I was kind of nervous speaking in front of people, but now that I have worked their for a while I am much more comfortable and willing to speak in front of people. It has been a great job for me and helped me become more outgoing and willing to communicate with people effectively.

An early scene in the film provides a great example of both of their personalities and the conflict brewing between them. Captain Ramsey chooses to initiate a drill which turns dangerous. There is a fire in the galley and Lieutenant Commander Hunter has to fight it. One man looses his life, although it is not due to the drill, or so they say. After the drill, Hunter and Ramsey share a confrontation. Ramsey takes Hunter back into his office to discuss the events. Hunter disagrees with the choice to run the drill, although Ramsey strongly disagrees with him, explaining, “Confusion on the ship is nothing to fear, it should be taken advantage of.” He later goes on to explain to Hunter that “I don’t have any problems with questions or doubts. You got something to say to me, you say it in private ‘n if privacy does not permit itself, you bit your f’n tongue.”
I thought this was a turning point in their relationship. We start to notice some of their conflict rituals and how they respond to each other. We start to notice that Ramsey is going to be very confrontational while Hunter is more reserved. Ramsey’s conflict style is competing. He is not looking to accommodate or back down by any means. He wants to win regardless of the consequences and is not concerned about the effects on his and Hunter’s relationship. The conflict between these two men exists and both are aware of it, holding true to our text. It also occurs because there is not enough power to go around, they both share a strong dependence on one another, and they both feel as if the other is preventing them from reaching their goals. All of these are existent and important concepts from our text and relate strongly to the conflict illustrated here between Hunter and Ramsey.

Family Ties

My dad has a little problem and has been married three different times, not including his 2 year long engagement with my mother. I love him to death, but growing up, it has been slightly difficult with all of his different women and my different step mothers. For the most part, I got along really well with everyone and didn't have any issues. His current wife, Tammy, is a different story. It's not that I don't get along with her, but we do not have a close relationship by any means. They have been married for about two and a half years, so I was seventeen when they got married. I know it would be difficult for her to try and build a relationship with my because I am not a child anymore, but Tammy makes no attempts.
Tammy works at my dad's dealership but she only comes in occassionally. When she does come in, she never says bye when she leaves. She never says hello when she comes in. She doesn't ever talk to me or to try to make an effort and she only talks bad about my dad. I wonder if she is jealous about my relationship with my dad? It makes me nervous that maybe Tammy is in the marriage for all the wrong reasons. My dad just turned sixty four and has heart problems. Tammy is nearly twenty years younger than him and no longer has to work that much. She can go to the barn and ride her horses and my dad will support her fully.
I don't want to sound like I am complaining, and I don't need Tammy in my life. However, if she is such an important part of my dad's life and doesn't have any kids herself, I would think she would want to try and build a relationship with me. She doesn't try to communicate with me at all and is very stand-offish.

Defensiveness At Work

During the day, I work for a truck and trailer dealership. I do all the title work and have become very good at it, or at least I think so. We have multiple loans with different banks and we exchange the titles out for money. When we sell the trailers, we have to pay down the loans in order to get the titles. It can be a difficult and time consuming process and it is often hard to get the titles from the bank during current economic hardships. Our company has a lot of overhead and in order to make ends meet we sometimes have to wait a while after the sale of a trailer in order to get the title paid down because we might not have the money to pay for it at that time.

This makes my job extremely difficult because people are often calling me and yelling at me wondering where their titles are. I often have to make things up about where their titles are and when they can be expecting to get them. This makes me feel really bad and puts me in a bad spot. I can get very defensive because it is not my fault that people do not have their titles on time. I do anything within my power to make sure people have their titles so when they blame me for it I can get defensive because its not my fault.

I do not want people to think I am doing a bad job at work and I want them to know I am working hard so its hard because people not having their titles is a direct effect on me. This is very hard to deal with and I would love to refer angry calls to the owner, but clearly I have to take the blame for it because it is part of my job description.

Conflict Rituals

  I notice that one of the conflict rituals I most actively engage in is one with my boyfriend.  We have been together for about two and half years and now live together.  This has created new conflict rituals for us because our lives are much different.  We do not have the alone time that we used to and do not have secrets.  We know everything about each other now and it was a huge step.

The most common conflict ritual that I find myself engaging in now is that I choose not to say anything when I am upset.  I can be a very crabby, emotional person (unfortunately) and I understand that this is how I am.  I am willing to change it, but there are some days that I just wake up crabby and there is nothing I can do to put myself in a better mood.  When I get in my "moods" or conflict arises between me and my boyfriend, I usually just stay quiet and do not say anything.  I don't say anything and then the conflict just swells inside of me and becomes worse and worse.  By the time he actually understands that I am upset, I am extremely upset and things becomes a lot worse.  If I would express myself in the beginning, then we could talk about the conflict right away and try to work things out.  This would make things a lot easier on our relationship and prevent negative feelings.  I know this is a conflict ritual that I should change.  My boyfriend is a very laid back, caring guy that is willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy.  If I would just tell him how I feel right away, then we could talk things out and make things better.  

Conflict

Recently, our group was talking about conflict.  Most of our group members that took the conflict inventory had compromise be their most used.  This was one of my most used conflict styles and I definately agree.  I often think that this conflict syle suits me because I don't like to look for conflict and I want to be compromising.  This way, each party gets a little bit of what they want and you can come to a mutual agreement.  

I had a tie for my most used conflict style, however, and along with compromising my other conflict style was competition.  This was interesting to me and now that I think about it, it does suit me in some ways.  I am often unwilling to give in and when conflict arises, I usually believe I am in the right and am unwilling to give in.  I am competitive by nature, and when I am involved in conflict, I often want to "win", even though I may believe I am in the wrong and understand that I am in the wrong.  This can definately make already conflicting situations worse.  If I am fighting with someone and they know I am wrong and I know I am wrong but am in a mood that is unwilling to let myself give in, then the conflict is very difficult to resolve.  This is where competition can be negative.  In situations like this, if I was more willing to be compromising, then we would both get a little bit of what we wanted and the conflict would be much easier to resolve.